10 Types of Shitty Coworkers and How to Not Murder them

Working can be a literal pain in the ass – unless you work alone in your house and have no one to deal with other than dog poop and a 15,000 foot pile of corroded-smelling laundry. But I mean hey, that could be a literal pain in the ass, too. But in all seriousness, we must work to make money and survive, and in order to make money, you have to do things for other people; even if it makes you want to bang your head into the wall.

There’s nothing more magical than being stuck in a small space filled with just about every kind of un-amusing damn person you could ever meet, and by amusing, I really just mean a bunch of down right ankle-biting Chihuahuas.

killmenow

 

  1. The Nutritionist

“Oh my God I so thought that this fiber bar would actually make me lose weight like it advertised but it seems it just makes me want to eat more of them and like I swear I’ve gained one and two quarters of a pound over night and I cant help it but think about all the stress and work this is going to put me through and I couldn’t even sleep last night because I was thinking about it so much and don’t you ever put one of these things down your throat I’m warning you. Okay I’m going to the gym do you want to come???”
This includes but is not limited to: the condescending vegan, the vegan who is nice but silently judges, the woman who is always on a diet, the other woman who is always on a diet, the two women who are always on diets talking about their diets, the dude who keeps a crockpot of shoprite meatballs simmering at his desk at all times and shorts out your space heater and makes fun of you for eating carrots because “carrots are for pussies,” and the lady who side-eyes you when you eat a second stress-cupcake because you can’t deal with all the fucking side-eye.
How to Deal:
seeya.gif

2. The Comedian

Hey, remember that thing that someone said in a movie one time? Wait for it…wait for it…wait for it…wait for it…wait for iiiiiiit…waaaaaaait…wait for iiiiiiiiiiiit..”
This person will literally have you in tears, of blood. Because their shit is not funny, like – at all. For Gods sake why do you keep saying wait for it, what is this shit, charades?
How to Deal:
fuckoff.gif

3. The Candyman

Let’s face it, when you first started working, you loved the candyman. This was up to the point until you realized that you were eating a shit ton of sugar all day to the point of uncontrollable nausea. Not to mention the candyman’s unique trait of being hyper twenty-four-fucking-seven on a new level, possibly surpassing a crackhead that you want to throw off a ten story balcony after the first twenty-eight minutes into your daily struggle with all of the others that you’re stuck with.
Like, what positive effect is a fun-size Three Musketeers going to have on your life. Honestly. Plus, that candy’s not free! The lady with the candy bowl on her desk acts like it’s free, but the price is that you have to have a conversation with her every time you want some candy. And then sometimes you get there and the candy is GONE—just when you got accustomed to having candy on demand whenever you finish with a shithead customer
How to Deal:
eyeroll.gif

4. The Poop-Shamer

If we see each other in the bathroom, don’t avert your goddamn eyes like I’m some scorned unlawful citizen who’s going to taint you for life just by crossing your path in the dirty room. Look at me,It’s okay! We’re grownups, and poop comes out of us! Just because you have paralyzing poop-shame doesn’t mean you get to take me down with you. I am a proud, powerful being and my poops are an extension of my being that I celebrate, even the bad ones. So look at me, weirdo.
How to Deal:
wave.gif

5. The Lingerer

If you have nothing work-related to say to me, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DESK. We are not talking about your holiday. We are not talking about flax seed. We are not talking about paleo diets. We are not talking about your kid’s grades. We are not talking about affirmative action. We are not talking about your dreadful relatives. Yes, I have heard about that thing where all the bees are disappearing. Yes, I have read that “crazy” old woman throwing a tantrum on the bus. Yes, I have heard about how you’re “afraid of clowns.” Dude, we sat in for lunch together one time. I am not eating a fucking Cup-O-Noodle with you.
How to Deal:
jump.gif

6. The Space-Invader

If you don’t step back at least one mile away from me I am going to throw your entire life successes into the shredder machine.
How to Deal:
backup.gif

7. The Pick-Up Celebrity

This guy banged  a lot of chicks last night, like he might still even smell like the majority of their bedsheets, watch out for this one.
How to Deal:
rolleyes.gif

8. The Cheapskate

If Bill’s dad dies and we all “chip in” for flowers, you need to fucking CHIP IN FOR THE FLOWERS. That doesn’t mean two dollars and a tub of ice cream receipt with a Nyquil instruction package on the back—it means, like, ten dollars. Minimum. An ordinary amount of dollars. Also, pay me back for your goddamn sandwich order, you barbarian. I’m not your mom. (Also, I will keep that tub of ice cream, thank you.)
How to Deal:
no.gif

9. The Lazy One

“Hey can you go get the pile of paperwork I just printed out for me? Can you fetch me a pen? Can you go get Tim to sign this form off for this customer? Can you help me pick up this printer and move it to the other desk?”
How about can you get your ass out of your chair, and walk straight out the door into oncoming traffic, or at least try to lose weight and do shit yourself.
How to Deal:
fuckoff2.gif

10. The General Shithead.

Comes in late, leaves early, makes loud personal calls, always has like 50 different things going on in their life which you must know about, steals other people’s yogurt out of the communal refrigerator, lets their own moldy garbage food fill up the communal refrigerator, pounces on all the best vacation days, always has a “stomach ache,” always has a worse stomach ache than you when you actually do have a stomach ache, pops their gum, paints their fucking goddamn nails at their fucking goddamn desk, talks to you.
How to Deal:
killyou.gif
follow my blog for more
Advertisements

The Social Reality of Society

Responsibility is something in which we all eventually hold. Growing up to you might be easy, but for others it might be a little more difficult. This person could have been abused, that person could have lost their mother at birth, this persons rich, that persons poor. We’re all the same deep inside, but why do we treat each other so horribly?

For some people it takes a long time for them to grow up, but because of society, we’ve become accustomed to the indoctrination of the media and it has allowed us to become desensitized because of it. Poor entertainment, inequality, lack of humanitarianism, greed and disgusting wealth distribution rates have conquered our conscious minds and have taken over what seemed to be the reality of society.

ImageThis easily links to our social life and how we treat others. In relationships, we’ve become easily addicted and misunderstood by the word of trust. Eventually though, people wake up and realize what they had after they lost it, but I like to look at it this way: you knew what you had but you never thought you would lose it.ImageMadness is what we seem to demonstrate, and that’s exactly how anger works and operates. Discrimination only generates hate, that’s a fact, so why is that it has become the ‘norm’ in society today? We must take control of our minds to let our souls gravitate. Start appreciating what you have, let go of all negatives in your life and embrace only the positive. Our world in fact is messed up. Nations dropping bombs and children’s lungs filling with chemical gasses, ongoing suffering as the youth die young.

Image

 

follow my blog for more

 

Be More Successful and Find Your Passion

If you’re gonna do something, do it out of passion. Being successful at whatever you choose means taking the time to find your passion. If you’re passionate about your work, it will come across to everyone around you and help you fill your life with meaning. One way to help find your career passion is to give yourself a time out for personal reflection and exploration.

Image

Take some time off whatever you may be doing and grab a piece of pen and paper. I want you to answer five simple questions about yourself:

  • What would be the description of my “perfect job”?
  • With what kind of people would I be working with?
  • How would my work benefit me?
  • How would my work benefit other people?
  • How would my work make me feel?

Finding that passion of yours will not come easily, but figuring out what makes you happy and brings love to your eyes is crucial in the process. Here’s the problem: Passion can’t be found in your head because it lives in your heart. No matter how hard you try, you cannot figure out your passion by thinking about it. You need to take action and feel your way to your truth, from the inside out.

Image

Clarity comes from engagement, not thought. 

Proactively bring passion to everything you touch, to everything you do. No matter what task is in front of you, bring as much enthusiasm and energy to it as you possibly can. Bring your full attention, your full presence, the Godlike quality that each of us has within, to every task in your day. Whether you’re brushing your teeth, making love, or cleaning up dog poop – do it like you want to do it.

When  you make this change, you’ll ignite crazy business ideas and creative insights far beyond what your thinking mind alone is capable of. And let’s cut the cheese, when you’re full present and passionately engaged with your life, people around you take notice and want in on whatever you’re doing.

follow my blog for more island insight!

The Idea of Reincarnation

Tonight I thought I would blog about the ideology of reincarnation. Despite being brought up as a Catholic, I do not consider myself an actual Catholic. Part of the reason why I do not consider myself one is because I love to embrace different cultures and ethnicity from around the globe, and am particularly fascinated by Buddhism. The idea of reincarnation to me, seems so much more liable than any other mysteries of any afterlife. 

Image

You know when you meet someone for the first time and things just click? The conversation flows easily, you both laugh at stupid, simple things, and you think to yourself “Why am I only meeting you now?!” When I recently met someone with this kind of experience, we talked about it, and she told me that she believed that we must of known each other in our past life, in whatever form we could of been. For all we know, we could have been dogs, or birds, but best friends. The whole idea of it seems mysterious because it lies deep in our unconcious, which is why humans experience deja vu, which happens to be linked to the idea of reincarnation.

It’s a beautiful, deep mystery that has fascinated many scientists from around the world. The way I look at it is that if you live your current life poorly by mistreating others, and going about life in an immoral manner, you will be born into life as a lesser form, such as an ant, or even a tree maybe. On the contrary, if you live your current life as good, you will be born as a greater form, such as an angel, or even better; a child of a multi-billionaire family business

Whatever you may believe in, express the feelings it brings. You cannot read out of the bible but not act towards its words, for instance. Religion is beautiful but only when expressed beautifully. But be careful with how you express religion, because as always, not everyone will agree with you. We live in a world full of different opinions and beliefs, and as humans we must learn to respect and love each other, despite our differences.

Live, Laugh, Love.

A New Year with New Surprises.

I would have never suspected for this year to be so – big.

It feels as if everyone’s true colours are beginning to shine nice and bright this year. Everyday it seems I lose a friend, and slowly over weeks or months I gain even better ones, and even though it’s a shame that I’ve lost that connection with the people I have known for years, nothings seems better than some fresh air.

My horoscope incites that I should worry about myself this year, and focus on building my own character before jumping into other people’s lives. Although it’s funny, because all I’ve ever done my whole life was to be there for others in their time of need, to comfort, to love and support, and ironically enough, it’s really nipped me in the ass. The last few months have been a real game changer for me, and so much has changed in the last year that it’s almost hard to believe. I’ve realized how fake people can really be, even those who you consider your ‘best friend.’

Image

Despite my health problems with my thyroid that I’ve been battling against during the last 8 months, i’m finally flying out to Boston on February 10th to have surgery! Big news I know. I’ve been waiting so long to get things going, and although my biopsy results have come back as inconclusive but suspicious, I am happy to finally get it dealt with by a real professional. The whole idea of surgery does indeed scare the living daylights out of me, but the experience will be worthwhile and I can finally get this bastard out of me.

I’ve started up P90X again, and did some plyometrics today, God did my legs feel weak as hell after, I even collapsed going down the stairs afterwards. I do feel a lot more rejuvenated after that workout though, which is what i’m going to be keeping up in the next few weeks before surgery.

So overall my advice for everyone is to worry about yourself right now, focus on what you can do to make your own self, better. Ignore those who give up on you and always push forward positively, remove the negatives. Hater’s gonna hate, and hell yeah they’re gonna talk behind your back, but hey; that’s where they belong.

Oh, and don’t even think about loving someone else if you cannot love yourself, period.